Identifying Misinterpretations of Self
Being misunderstood is one of the worst feelings ever, and I’m not even exaggerating. You feel trapped, isolated, and judged—all because one person or a few individuals got the wrong idea of you or won’t see your side of things. You could be saying things like; ‘No one understands me,’ or ‘No one gets me.’ And if you’re not secure with your self-concept, this can do a lot of damage to your self-esteem. You’ll start questioning yourself and your intentions all because a plum fool got you all wrong. It’s annoying and infuriating at times, but like most things, it can be helped.
First things first, I think it’s important to realize that you do feel misunderstood. From there, you can pinpoint what exactly is being misinterpreted. Examples include, but are not limited to:
- Being dismissed, with others refusing to hear you out and get your perspective.
- Being labeled or put into a box; encountering those who claim they “know” you or have you all figured out.
- Your intentions being misread, usually for the worse.
- Being introverted and perceived as unfriendly or offputting; not being approached.
- Cultural differences being overlooked and taken out of account.
- Allowing past situations to define you as a person.
- Personal preferences and biases of others cloud their judgment.
There are many ways this can present itself in your life, and I feel most commonly, it does so within our relationships, namely familial and peer-based. Perhaps you grew up in a household where you were rarely heard out, if ever. Or maybe you never got along with kids in school or found it hard to open up to others. Whatever your experience may be, you are valid in that, and you are not alone.
My Personal Experience
In my personal life, I’ve dealt with being misunderstood for having a closed-off personality and, in general, not being heard or seen. That mostly presented itself in school and social settings, sometimes even bleeding into how my family perceived me. As someone who isn’t in school anymore and has little to no social life, I don’t face this nearly as much (which is problematic). But in the past, I’ve felt misunderstood and disconnected overall. Looking back, I take some fault in that; maybe I was more closed off than I should’ve been, and I pin that on insecurity. However, in terms of familial relationships, I put that more so on those outside of me, and I try not to take the blame for that because, truly, it’s not my fault.
Being Misunderstood by Family
I want to talk more about being misunderstood by family and how isolating that can be. To give an example from someone outside of me: I had a friend who is the child of African immigrants. She often expressed feeling misunderstood under her own roof. She would agree when I say this stems from different upbringings and a difference in generation. I can’t speak personally about it, but there seems to be a pattern among the children of immigrants who feel misunderstood in their households.
Being raised in America, or simply being raised differently in comparison to your parents’, definitely leaves space for great disconnect and misunderstanding. A struggle that comes with this is not being able to do anything about it, especially if you’re a minor. You live under your parents’ roof, and you live by their rules. It’s their way or the highway, literally, and it feels pointless to try to get your point across.
There’s a certain stubbornness older relatives harbor, based on their belief systems and upbringings, and whether intentional or not, they will push that onto the younger generations. I say this not to put the blame on them, but to help you understand that it’s them, not you. Try not to beat yourself up because they refuse to hear you out because, as difficult as it may be to understand, it has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them.
Being Misunderstood by Your Peers
Apply that same idea to dealing with friends and peers. As I mentioned, being misunderstood by peers can be especially damaging when you already lack a strong sense of self. And whether you want to admit it or not, you want to fit in with your peers—or you did—and that’s completely fine. It’s natural for us, as humans, to want proximity and to be accepted by those like us, and it would be concerning if you didn’t. With that desire comes the need to appease and appeal to others, going out of your way to ensure they like you. We do a lot to please others, and it hurts when you’re putting in so much effort just to be misunderstood or isolated. So, take the emphasis off of trying to appeal to others and gain their validation.
Stop Overexplaining Yourself
Overexplaining also stems from this validation you’re after and this “need” to get people to understand you. Maybe you apologize too much or find yourself racking your brain with explanations as to why you are the way you are. That gets exhausting, and quite frankly, you don’t owe anyone an explanation. You shouldn’t feel like you have to strain yourself to get people to hear you out. And if that’s what it takes, you don’t need to be around them.
From Psychology Today Tend to Overexplain? This May Be Why
Dealing With Being Misunderstood
Before closing out, I want to share a few tips on dealing with being misunderstood:
1. Become certain within yourself
Self-confidence, in all aspects, is important but even more so when it comes to who you are as a person. Not the outside, but who you are on the inside. Figure that out and be stubborn in that. Don’t allow anyone to make you question yourself. You are who you are, and knowing that is enough.
2. Set boundaries
No longer make yourself open to wrong misjudgments. Tell people straight to their face what you will and will not allow. This can be hard to do (speaking from personal experience), but you have to build that wall and stop accepting everything. This can also be made possible with a strong-willed headspace, in which you don’t allow the words and misunderstandings of others to shake you.
3. Approaching misunderstandings with empathy
If you’re petty like me, you may struggle with this, but it’s productive to consider the other party. It’s ironic to say this, but try to understand where they’re coming from and realize it stems from their insecurity or they’re just overtly projecting. Again, this can be harder to do if you have little patience for BS, and I go on and on about how frustrating people can be, but it makes for a good practice of “being the bigger person.”.
4. Let it go
This goes back to my point of setting boundaries and not accepting anything. Decide to walk away from this misunderstanding and don’t let it harm you even further. If you’re emotional, this can be especially taxing, especially if you tend to take things personally, which is fine. But for your good, try to let it go. Let go of whatever or whoever causes more stirrup in your life than peace. And protect that peace.
Closing Remarks
I want to reiterate: Don’t let being misunderstood shake your sense of self. It hurts, it pisses you off, but it’s not a defining factor. Stay true to yourself despite the perceptions of others, and continue strengthening that relationship you have with yourself—one full of love and compassion. Like all my posts, I hope you find value in this and feel seen. Remember that there are individuals out there who will understand you, and even if there weren’t, you’d be fine either way. Walk through life with this mindset, and you’ll be better for it.
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